Sunday, February 8, 2009

This Doesn't Even Sum It Up!

Has anyone been outside today?
If not, please take a step outside and bask in God's natural luminosity,
shown by perfection in temperature and smiling sky
with puffs of white sighs

The stench of two nights ago is swimming
in the stitches of my jacket
The smell is a racket of regrettable decisions

But that's what grace is for :D
To be forgiven not only by the Lord,
but by my own human self!

"-yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed...Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." (2 Corinthians 7:9-10)

My sneakers that have walked on ash paced towards my bike today once my I closed my bible. I rode up the steepest hill of my neighborhood, keeping a steady cycle in my moving legs.
Drawn on the pavement by sun and trees, were icy shades...
then a blinding light.
This pattern alternating on and off,
back and forth.

And everytime I felt those rays,
it made me ignore those agitating moments of darkening shadow
that light kept my body pedaling up and up that hill
and made doubt a thing of youth, of insecurity that God erases

I reached it, I reached the top
the rising of showering heat overcame my heart
there at the end of the hill was peaceful light with no shade

"See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing..." (2 Corinthians 7:11)

In the back of my woods there is a creek
Unlike years before
It's shallow
But now I can see what lied underneath those tiny rapids all that time!
Spiritual stability and flame within my soul

And in my pain,
my sorrow,
my confusion that has tried to conquer my life,
God has provided me shelter in His love.

There are times when my mouth is parched,
and so badly wants to speak words of nourishing hope

"O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water." (Psalm 63:1)

The creek that ran before me today rang in quiet song
"You of little faith, why are you so afraid?", the Lord whispered

I could see through the water,
the blisters of my past that I must let the Holy One heal
rather than I, myself, pick them off immediately (lack of patience)

how my soul thrives on it

how my soul has bathed in its destructiveness!

the most I can give to You is my entire heart

I slipped up...
but You knew I would, that all of us would thousands of years ago

and You love us beyond comprehension

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

I've been attempting, and will continue to attempt
encumbering all my spiritual strength and love
to sacrifice my hurt to you

It will be hard,
It will be rewarding

"...the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:8-9)

And the sacrifice will require all of me.
My expected stumble onto former addictions was a mistake,
but with the promise of reward, I am encouraged to battle

"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God." (2 Corinthians 7)

That knowledge of Your constant gift of cleansing my soul keeps me alive.

Your righteousness endures forever!!!

So help me Lord, help me stay on track and focus on You above all other things. Bring about an enthusiasm to do good not for self benefit, but to honor You.



Jackie said...

You are a beautifully talented writer! Thanks for sharing your heart and your journey. Very inspiring.

And I agree...."A Call to Die" is awesome!!!!!!!!!

YesNoMaybeSo said...

thankyou for your extremely kind words!! This book has been saving me through the tough situations in my life and I'm thankful for it!

Vincent said...

I liked this very much .

La Sarah said...

you are incredible. honestly... you are inspiring me so much to seek out scripture the way you do. JayBay i'm mean.... you know how to craft your words in a way that shows God's glory- and paints like the beautiful picture of his majesty and beauty!
sooo soooo awesome!!!!!

Vincent said...

I usually argue with those who carry their religion on their sleeve but you do it with such charm and genuine enthusiasm that I have nothing to say!

YesNoMaybeSo said...

wow thankyou guys so much for the compliments!! I'm a bit speechless myself after hearing what you guys have to say. Thankyou