Friday, June 6, 2008

Something I've noticed

Hopelessness shreds faith, leading to an invisibly marred confidence. I can't say it any other way.

There have been certain individuals in my life that left as quickly as they came. I, too, have been that person in others' lives. Remembering can be the strangest action of all, the process of recollection is almost as if you're pulling old photographs off a forgotten bookshelf in your mind, maybe even your heart. Occasionally when I sit and listen to whatever happens to be around fails to distract my thoughts, it succeeds in bringing back things that I forced myself to forget, inviting the inevitable.

I do want some people back that I once had, I do want that short or maybe even long segment of ignorance to the expected consequences and endings. And maybe this is the reason why I now possess a wall of defense against those who try to enter my world in pure explosion, because I seem to flash back to what has happened in the past, and I learned from certain situations that someone's sudden entrance into my personal life is just as excellerating as their exit. And I don't blame anyone for that.

Losing my blogging virginity!

Yep. So I guess this is my first blog.

School's over. It's strange because this year passed by so quickly, and yet it felt that I was still and frozen in this completely awkward stage of reality development.

For three years I had been a quad player for the marching band and indoor drum line at Powhatan Highschool. My decision to no longer continue with the activity this summer made me partially indecisive at first as to if following my conscience would be the right thing to do. That's been a problem of mine lately- indecisiveness.

It's been a couple of years since I've had the freedom to start something new or progress with skills that I wasn't able to explore previously, therefore you could say I'm kind of clueless when it comes to how to spend my time. Drum line took up just about all my time I had. Three to four day a week practices, ranging from three to nine hours. All Saturdays were taken up, my PSATs had to be post poned, I couldn't take my learner's test for six months because of the inability of travelling to DMV, and most of all I simply disliked being at practice.

One thing I must admit is that I learned more through my drum line experience than I would be able to in an entire highschool career. Honestly.

An example? People changing. There are people who I started the activity with who were innocent little children haha and were psycho crazy about drumming just like I was, but then ended up being that stress factors within their lives affected them to the point where drum line wasn't a reliever to them, drum line was something they felt they HAD to do. And I was one of them. Although, it never got to the point where I took up drugs, or where I had to totally disown acceptance of personally directed authority. Nope, never got to that extremity for myself, but for others around me it did. Drumming to them was the last thing on their mind.

My personal experience was similar to a somewhat isolated bubble, and I wanted it to pop! hahaha When I was at practices and competitions, I felt I was missing out on other things. Like being a teenager. I haven't gotten to do that yet. Hm, I wonder if I will.

Do I believe that quitting drum line was the correct decision for myself?