Sunday, January 31, 2010



Because I have VICTORY through Christ.

Today my heart is dancing.

Today my heart is fufilled with His love.

Today brings no worries, for Christ has given me FAITH.

Today, I am blessedly speechless, so I can listen to the power of His GLORY,
which is pounding my dancing, fufilled, heart!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

"Crack Not Included"

A strange dream passed through my mind last night during slumber.

My friend, Kasey, told me to come to her house. I tried to get there, but it turned out this secret gang had taken over Schroeder Road in Powhatan and there was even a guard competition happening there at the same time. STRANGE.

So anyways, I get there, and time is warped. It seems that SOME houses are there, and others aren't. I could only get to one portion of the road, while the other half was nonexistent.

Katie Rusch was there (it turns out I was supposed to be a freshman in high school during this dream), and Carra Sykes was also there. I confronted them, panicky, saying, "DUDE! WE NEED TO FIX THIS!".

Immediately we broke through the time warp window, and realized everything was sculpted out of blackened cocaine. Because of certain footprints, I assumed that other people from PCC had tried to solve the warp. Carra jumped over some cocaine blocks to cross this green river, while Katie and I were like "DUDE WE DON'T WANT OUR FEET TO GET HIGH!"

And that's when we all said at once, "In this journey, CRACK IS NOT INCLUDED!".

We never reached Kasey, but atleast it was a crack-free trip. Because, well, crack is whack.

Friday, January 29, 2010

He who sewed my spirit

He who sewed my spirit,
painted forth the perfect Love,
is jealous for us.

the One who is Grace,
I pray that you lead me to Your path,
and heal the cuts from the thorns.

I can't stop writing about You,
Christ who died for me,
The blood you shed was turned into eternal life,
We're given the gift to be FREE.

Yet someone else put me together,
the devil with his clever greed,
from below he attempts to snatch my feet.
but YOU always pave over his snarling sin
and hold me,
Your humbled child, so tightly
with feathered wings.

Pride and Wisdom

Pride has overtaken my ability to freely admit the pains gripping my heart.

I become angry when I think about certain people who might use me as an example of someone who hid from Christ. Yes, I am weak to the LORD, but I cannot stand being weak to others, unless I love them.

Sometimes I only want the issue to be between God and I, but I know that humility is a process of healing and reconstruction. It's the hardest part, perhaps, for me to take the weight of my pride and use my spirit's concious arms to push and push and push the fears of feeling powerless away. I know that I am only useful in God's vision, not my own or other's.

It has appeared to me that the time gap between devotion and this reborn devotion was filled with insecurity. With that insecurity I caused myself a personal masquerade. Who did I want to be seen as? Who did I want to see me? However, not all of what I wanted was based on my actual interests or heart. This is a problem, this insecurity I barely realized is all the sudden unmasked and bare before my thoughts.

Jesus, who I miss feeling the significant presence of so deeply, wants me to give up MYSELF, carry MY cross and come to HIS holy wisdom.

Matthew 18:3-4
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

The Need

I need to listen to God rather than myself.

I need to follow God rather than my desires.

I need to let God catch me rather than run away.

I need to let Jesus love me, rather than finding someone or something else to fill the void.

I need to LOVE rather than hate.

I need to FORGIVE rather than hold a grudge.

I need to be the heart Christ formed inside me, rather than the being outside me.

I need to love,
and love.

He picks me up

This week has been rough. No lie. Infact, it seems it was a drag for most people I know.

But the week is over, and the snow shall fall this weekend.

With struggles or challenges, we can face them with GOD. I'm still trying to really practice what I preach.

"When I was oh so tired,
You come along to wake me,
Time and time again and again,
With a smile You save me

Rain, rain, rain down on me,
Again and again,
Rain down on me.

we play our cards,
And I question by the grace of what,
We play our cards at all.
Come fill me up,
oh, fill me LOVE when Im empty.
When Im all dried up

Rain, rain, rain down on me,
Again and again,
Rain down on me."
- Dave Matthews Band

Thursday, January 28, 2010


After playing drums for a good while, I am sitting here infront of this computer screen with my hair out of my face because of this red head band. God told me to write, and so here I am.

Yesterday something strange happened.

During first block my friend, Erin, and I flipped through these books of useless information (literally, they were books titled "Random or Useless Information" or something along those lines). It's always entertained me how pages in paperbacks feel slightly rough, and the slight breeze they cause as you swiftly cause them to propel over and over. This was what I was doing. I opened to a page about Humphrey Bogart. I pick up the next book. Once again, another reference to Humphrey Bogart. Another book, Humphrey's there.

I've only seen Bogart in a few movies, most noteably "Casablanca".

Maybe it really IS all useless, however, when I searched quotes from "Casablanca", I came across this:

Rick: Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for.
Victor Laszlo: You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die.
Rick: Well, what of it? It'll be out of its misery.
Victor Laszlo: You know how you sound, Mr. Blaine? Like a man who's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't believe in his heart."

When I find myself tripping over the things I've stood up for in my life, and realize that my heart is not into the purpose, it can be frightening. However, I feel that I have avoided defending my own faith because of doubt.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


The past two weeks have shown me the sincerity of many people because of the Haiti tragedy. When I saw the photographs of the hurt and ruined country, my heart broke. On 60 Minutes, they showed a bulldozer literally dumping hundreds of bodies into a truck. "It's for sanitation purposes," one man said. Indeed, it is for sanitation, but how awful it is that a natural disaster has caused over a 100,000 deaths. Deaths that will not be recorded, mass amounts of corpses piled into a single grave without any identification, civil war-like medicine practiced on the wounded survivors because of the lack of supplies and electricity, people still caught under the heavy and ashy rubble crying out for help.

If this doesn't break someone's heart, I don't know what else could.

However, it has affected the people of our nation so much, that we are giving up our simple money at various opportunities to aide Haiti as well as our servicemen flying down to the poverty stricken area. This is God's love, no matter what title is put on these kind actions. I believe it is Jesus Christ's love for the poor, for the hurt, for the desperate that He plants in His follower's hearts that enables many to feel obligated and encouraged to help.

I pray and pray for Haiti. I pray and pray that He gives me more ways to help the people.





I want to go to college.

Senior year is strange. It's almost as if I'm really only there for one meaningful class (AP English); and even though I'm kicking my own butt to do well in there, my grade isn't reflecting my efforts.

Clover Hill Library is really neat. For the past couple of Tuesdays I have explored their selection of random CD's, movies, and nonfiction titles.

A good find so far:
Smiley Face starring Ana Faris

By far one of the funniest movies I've seen in awhile. It's about a California pothead who eats her roomate's drugged cupcakes, and then needs to find a large amount of marijuana to replace them. However, she's broke and is in desperate need of paying her dealer back and paying the power bill, or else she'll have her 1000 dollar heavenly mattress taken away! So she goes on this random journey through town in order to find money and pot.

It really is a funny movie if you enjoy stupid humor. Which I do.

Hmm...another great find...
would be...
Polyphonic Spree albums!

Although I've been listening to this band for a couple of years now (since Eternal Sunshine came out); I never got the chance to sit and listen to an entire album.

Good stuff!

I'm really ready to graduate. This is a stereotypical Senior statement, ofcourse. Especially a Powhatan High School senior statement. If I end up attending VCU this upcoming fall, I'm quite sure I will not be visiting Powhatan every weekend (unlike the usual modern Powhatan High graduate). I know that I am beyond ready to take the next step towards my own independence (life wise and education wise).

SOOOOO....June 12th?

Could you come any sooner?