today

After playing drums for a good while, I am sitting here infront of this computer screen with my hair out of my face because of this red head band. God told me to write, and so here I am.

Yesterday something strange happened.

During first block my friend, Erin, and I flipped through these books of useless information (literally, they were books titled "Random or Useless Information" or something along those lines). It's always entertained me how pages in paperbacks feel slightly rough, and the slight breeze they cause as you swiftly cause them to propel over and over. This was what I was doing. I opened to a page about Humphrey Bogart. I pick up the next book. Once again, another reference to Humphrey Bogart. Another book, Humphrey's there.

I've only seen Bogart in a few movies, most noteably "Casablanca".

Maybe it really IS all useless, however, when I searched quotes from "Casablanca", I came across this:

Rick: Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for.
Victor Laszlo: You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die.
Rick: Well, what of it? It'll be out of its misery.
Victor Laszlo: You know how you sound, Mr. Blaine? Like a man who's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't believe in his heart."

When I find myself tripping over the things I've stood up for in my life, and realize that my heart is not into the purpose, it can be frightening. However, I feel that I have avoided defending my own faith because of doubt.