Saturday, August 21, 2010

mooooooooon talk

foggy moon mirror,
hiding behind arms and hands of green
you stayed silent,

and whole.

The smoke is lacing fingers with the trees,
the gravel is printing faces on my knees
and the reflection up there is

Sunday, May 23, 2010


My mind is blank.

Not in a negative sense, but in the sense of simply existing. I am aware.

Last night it appeared to me that I have a hard time enjoying and soaking in silence. Because I have lived in the Western society where silence is "empty" and where stillness is "nonproductive".

Silence provides the unity of stillness.

It is a necessity in regards to the spirit.

To live life just to fulfill a goal is accelerating the circle of impatience and disappointment. To be Here NOW is essential.

Don't fear the moments of nothing. Without nothing there would never be something.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Wasabi cupcakes
Are the worst dessert ever.
Drink all your water.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

India: Child Labor

In my government class we were assigned to present a project on a world issue. Jasmine and I chose child labor in India. Since last year I've been pretty interested in the conflict of Indian poverty and what that has resulted in. I feel that India has a beautiful history and culture, going back to Ghandi's salt march, a which influenced peaceful protest for other leaders including America's Martin Luther King Jr.

It has moved me since starting this project, with browsing the photos. What's sad is that I sense that other students feel they have to find the most shocking photographs in order to get a better grade, but its really all about the ability to relate and find the human heart beneath any of the assigned topics; such as AIDS, female mutilation, even endangered species and enviromental concerns.

But just look at these.

When I saw this, it reminded me of how it felt to be a little kid, getting suddenly lost in the grocery store and not being able to find your mom. It's that sudden fearful jolt of being alone. And some of the kids working in the factories rarely see "home", their residence is usually the factory itself, spending the night in hazardous conditions such as mines because the new shift starts in just a few hours.

In the manufacturing business, children are not provided with protection from chemicals, nor given simple equitment such as gloves and goggles to protect their developing eyes from the shards. This child is welding, and according to our research, it is most likely he will be blind by the time is 15 to 19 years old. Can you imagine not being able to see anymore after your teenage life? Can you imagine your skin being eroded and scarred from the intense heat and dangerous chemical exposure??

And because of the work hours, usually 8 hours with a small break for a meal, if there is even one provided, the children recieve no education. They aren't able to just be kids, they aren't able to live out the joy that the majority of Americans experience as a young kid. That innocence and simple happiness is distorted for them.

According to Indian government sources, there are currently 20 million child laborers in the country, but according to outside sources, there is an estimated 50 million.

I'm hoping that I can help with this situation in some way. It's been hurting me deeply, to imagine a childhood without smiles, without laughter, without love.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Back to the Future and oh....senioritis...

It's saturday night, and I'm here at home alone watching Back to the Future. Great flick. Anyhow, I'm really excited and have been practicing my jazz beats. There has been a lot of tripping and falling on my part in my personal life, all due to me not looking at the traps on the ground. If there's one thing I want right now, it'd be stronger eyes through Christ. My actions lately have not been showing the love for Christ I really do have. And its brought out the worst in me.

The remedy to the problem is always helping others, or trying to show others how much I love them because I know Jesus put that emotion in my heart. Jesus is going to break the chains in my life soon, and He's going to give me opportunities I'd never thought of because of my availability in His name.

This second half of senior year reminds me alot of the late night drive home from a show, and stopping by a 711, totally out of it, all the lights too bright and you almost forget why you came in the first place. Going into school is similar to this sensation. I've always wondered why they decide to put 39082309 lights in one room. It burns my eyes and, literally, has been scientifically proven to cause headaches. All of the teachers voices have melted into one goo of "wah wah wahhhh". I'm drowning in the sea of senioritis.

There's this new thing I've decided to do for my friends. I'm not going to reveal what it is on here, but I know that I've been a selfish person and want to turn that around. Big time. I want to love, I don't want to self glorify.

My dreams have been strange lately. Last week, I dreamt that some friends and I skipped school to go to a strawberry field. As we were walking through this gorgeous valley, Mr. Noechel happened to be there. When he saw us he jumped in shock, "OH! What are you guys doing here?! I'm not here...well...." Which absolutely cracked me up when I awoke. Another one was last night, I dreamt I was riding in this car, this red car, with a person, and all these bizarre things kept occuring. I don't even know how to explain, so I'm not going to attempt!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

People are not one dimensional. We are multi-dimensional, and with so many different spiritual wires putting our souls together as we are. Along with this comes the inevitable nature of jealousy, anger, and sadness. It's very depressing to feel the worst of someone become the only thing you see. I try so hard to see people as good, but sometimes that can only hurt me worse. Friends I gained over the summer I've either pushed away too far or brought them in too close. The horizon is in my sight, but not exactly shining in my heart just yet. I know there is a foundation for my future in just a few months (school), and I will placed in a position with new people and probably a new life. Powhatan, its so lonely almost.

But everyday I think of certain things I've done over the past months and how its negatively affected some of my friendships. Even breaking one. It sucks. So bad. So bad. Especially when you are given all the blame for a two part occurence. Anyhow, I am going to try focusing on the bigger things rather than the small for now.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Blabbering about English

Brave New World is by far my favorite experimental/satirical novel, next to Clockwork Orange. The second time I've been reading it has been the best time. The question our class quickly debated on today was the subject of whether or not the characters' absence of individualism means loss of morality, or if their actions of taking excessive amounts of drugs and having excessive amounts of sex is immoral or just a social standard. I believe that it is just a social standard because, like today's culture, it is socially "acceptable" to be permiscuous and use drugs (to an extent), but these actions can sometimes not line up with one's moral standards. There is a possible guilt involved. The characters have no boundaries or limitations, which means no morality in my opinion.

The savage regards to Shakespeare sonnets as "magic", something ethereal and powerful, and in many ways this is true. Language, written language, can cause emotional response, making it an effective piece of art whether or not the reader completely understands the given material. By reading the assigned poems this past week, I have rediscovered that feeling. It makes me feel more whole as an individual, it allows me to be more in tune with my spirit and my feelings. Even the smallest of details, such as in "At Grass" by Larkin, excite me.

At Grass by Philip Larkin
The eye can hardly pick them out
From the cold shade they shelter in,
Till wind distresses tail and main;
Then one crops grass, and moves about
- The other seeming to look on -
And stands anonymous again

Yet fifteen years ago, perhaps
Two dozen distances surficed
To fable them: faint afternoons
Of Cups and Stakes and Handicaps,
Whereby their names were artificed
To inlay faded, classic Junes -

Silks at the start: against the sky
Numbers and parasols: outside,
Squadrons of empty cars, and heat,
And littered grass : then the long cry
Hanging unhushed till it subside
To stop-press columns on the street.

Do memories plague their ears like flies?
They shake their heads. Dusk brims the shadows.
Summer by summer all stole away,
The starting-gates, the crowd and cries -
All but the unmolesting meadows.
Almanacked, their names live; they

Have slipped their names, and stand at ease,
Or gallop for what must be joy,
And not a fieldglass sees them home,
Or curious stop-watch prophesies:
Only the grooms, and the grooms boy,
With bridles in the evening come.

The lines, "Do memories plague their ears like flies? They shake their heads," gives me chills. Poems that present a new way of looking at things, such as the way flies buzz and buzz around the horses' heads, and their head shrugs.

But I'm still trying to figure out what Huxley is trying to say as he killed off the Savage in the end. His feet were described to have dangled and point in all directions as he hung himself.

In regards to how Huxley advised to handle the 20th century, I believe he was saying to remain the individual amongst the masses. Seek the true individual, seek the truth of an individual. And this makes sense, Huxley lived true to his message, because later on he tried to further deepen his perception in Doors of Perception (which he was on a powerful psychotic drug).

But, alas, these thoughts just ran wildly through my head, and I felt the need to write them down. So, these thoughts might be concluded next time, or new ones may arise.