Rainy days get me down. No matter the mood or what's going on, the grey atmosphere and cold wetness is depressing.
I'm waiting for it to be warm, so that my fingers don't feel numb. It feels awesome to go outside and not have to wear a jacket or run to the car because of how cold it is. I love the summer. I love the spring. I love seeing new life sprout from the earth and feeling a sort of freedom being comfortable in the sun.
Now it's up to question whether or not I can go on World Changers this summer. I know that God will make it happen if it's what He wants.
The third nine weeks of school feel pointless. Instead I'd rather get a job to start paying for my tuition and fees, for World Changers, for the Dave Matthews concert, for the 311 show, for...fun stuff. I'll be working so much this summer, that I'm not sure how much "fun" I'll be having. I guess this is the part where I gotta grow up. It'll make good money. I'll be getting off at two or three every afternoon. I'll be in Richmond rather than at a possibly even more boring job in Powhatan.
Today I was thinking, wow, I don't think I'm going to cry when I graduate. I just don't. It seems like the majority of the kids who are really enjoying "being" a senior are the ones who have had the highest high of their life in high school. Well, that's not too many people to count, and I'm certainly not in this category.
Some classes are a foil to my optimism. "Well oh well, since you guys don't give a crap about the rest of your senior year, I'll see you at a bar, homeless"- my physics teacher has quoted to us TWICE this week. Or, let's take for example, another teacher of mine who has random mood swings and decides which days to be mean and others to not. I'm so lucky to have him for three hours straight every other day! Especially when you are the target of ridicule! I can't get enough of it!
The other part that really annoys me would be how some teachers assume I'm either stupid or a trouble maker. Sometimes I literally will act retarded in order to piss them off, because their either over enthusiasm or franticness bugs me. CUT LOOSE!
I remember in tenth grade I was so offended because my english teacher accused me of cheating on an in class essay, saying that I "copied other online sources and essays". Well, darn, lady...I know I'm not kissing your butt every class like some other individuals, sorry I'm not what you expected- smart.
Because I came out a long time ago, I've learned to deal with homophobia. But since becoming a Christ follower, it has been difficult, especially in an area where that discrimination or disapproval is accepted. I know that my brothers and sisters love me very dearly, just as I love them. But, come on. Don't regard to people who are homosexual as more sinful people than others, don't regard to people who are gay or lesbian as someone who doesn't deserve Christ's love. Being gay or lesbian is just one part of someones life. Folks are just folks. We are all united in the blood of Christ and that's where we shall attempt to keep our hearts.
One of my dear brothers, who I've known since junior high and became a close musician of throughout high school, stood up for me last summer at World Changers. While we were in drumline together he always debated with me the subject of God and homosexuality. As time passed and our relationship grew in an odd way (but a good way), he became closer to Christ, and all this time I hadn't. He thought about whether he believed homosexuality is a sin or not. Although I'm not quite sure of what his final view is, I know that he still loved me.
In the van during World Changers, he asked if I could talk to him. He had told me that in the showers that some guys were making fun of gay people, and that he went up to these guys and told them to stop. This made them furious, starting a whole debate. My friend insisted that there was no exact quote in the bible that referred to God hating gays. They cornered him, including a grown man, getting angrier. He was fearless, however, and challenged them with a question, "well what if I'm gay?" (he is not), this made them angrier.
Atleast the good that can come out of anger like this is the fact that I'm sure this made the guys think about the subject more. Hoepfully HOPEFULLY in a more in depth and thoughtful way rather than ignorant.
I want to help those in my life who are homosexual to feel that they are loved by Christ just as much as any other straight person. Or, any person.
We must remember, that no matter what, Jesus wants us to LOVE and that His blood shed for every single man and woman.