Sunday, March 8, 2009

the need

Today's conclusion: Virginia's weather is bipolar.

BUT I LOVE THIS HOT WEATHER!! I MISS IT! All of the windows in my house are down, and for once I didn't have to sleep with an electric blanket all the way up!!! SO EXCITING!!!

It seems that lately I am going through another phase of study. Some reading and "meditating", trying to find myself spiritually.

The struggle is still on, but everyday I strive to say out loud, "God, I'm giving this to You." My friend has been telling me since I first started talking to her that I need to give this up to Him, and depend on Him. And in a way, this has been a tough situation for me to be raw and real with God when it comes to my pain. It's getting better though, tremendously better. And when I pray honestly and admit my hurt, I feel really great afterwards!

Another thing I'm starting to see is that religion is pretty personal. I mean, it's funny, because in other parts of the world people live on their religion because they don't have anything else. They don't have the freedom we do in America, either, to practice any belief system they want.

And I'm starting to notice how many people I've known are secretly sad, worrisome, and desperate, but are deadly afraid of going to church. I'm well aware of what it feels like to not want to go to church, but it was never because of a fear towards God, it was a fear of how people there would perceive me.

What does that matter in the end? Church is for worshipping and concentrating on God. And God loves us just the way we are, but wants us to excel spiritually as well.

It's frustrating. The fact that the words "Christian" and "church" have such a bad reputation sometimes. Now when I hear Christian I think of people who recognize Christ as their savior and have faith in His sacrifice, wanting to walk by God's word and in His plan for us.'s serious. Saying you are a Christ follower is not a joke. Galatians 2:20 says it all. I want to LIVE by the spirit. No, actually, in reality, I NEED to live by the spirit. He is in all of us, but maybe it's up to me to open my heart and let His wisdom move me in my actions and words. I don't want the selfish desire for me to be in control of everything anymore.

When I feel alone, God is there. God is everywhere, but ofcourse I have my moments where I wrestle with Him because the evil in this world is trying to make me suffer. But God destroys that emotion in the end with love. He is love.

So the struggle continues, but God hasn't left my side...


Beth said...

love you, girl..

Kelley said...

your honest words make me smile.... even though you are clearly struggling... you are openly and willingly jumping in because a) you have God's love and b) you know God will use these trials to make you better and closer to Him. We should all be that wise...