Thursday, May 28, 2009

Discovering the Plan

See that shadow of light between the trees, past the grey clouds? To me, that is heaven. Yet I am on the path we must all follow to reach it, to try to dedicate more of our lives to Christ. But His presence is within me, His love wrapped around our souls that cannot be destroyed by things of this earth.

I'm currently in this state of mine, questioning my faith.

This is healthy.

This is great.

It leads me to discover what Jesus has planned for me next. This spiritual quest drives me to find what He wants me to do, what He wants me to hear Him say.
And oddly enough, I believe it's not so much another phase of total submersion into a devotional, focusing all my intense worship-ness only on Sundays, or even forcing myself to read the Bible consistently. Instead, I think He wants me to see who I am through BEING who I am. The fact that we can identify ourselves as Christ followers, yet at the same time as individuals, is amazing! It wouldn't surprise me if people only classify themselves as Christians, and I don't see anything wrong with that. But I love expressing myself through writing and music, and I do this FOR GOD'S GLORY and not really for myself anymore. There's a reason why we are granted natural abilities to perform or relate to other people, and I think it's because God has a purpose for us on earth to live out these gifts. We mustn't worry so much about where it will take us, but we should take in every moment, the great and the unbearable, and rise above this world's upliftings and downfalls to enhance our connection with the Lord. Heaven...that place above where we all want to be, I am so so so just wowed thinking about how it's beyond our imagination of happiness! To be with GOD, our creator, our rock, our shelter, our provider, our EVERYTHING! Can I get an AMEN?!

For about a week now, I've sat in English class, taken aback by the intensity of words in The Grapes of Wrath. The distinct use of human nature and biblical references is astounding. Although I haven't cracked it completely (and probably won't, considering a novel is a novel...the arguments and questions sometimes never have a true answer!), I have been inspired by Chapter 14 when Steinbeck writes, "This you may say of man- when theories change and crash, when schools, philosophies, when narrow dark alleys of thought, national, religious, economic, grow and disintegrate, man reaches, stumbles forward, painfully, mistakenly sometimes. Having stepped forward, he may slip back, but only half a step, never the full step back." Powerful. We may make some grand mistakes, but it is instinct to pick up the pieces and move on. That is our human nature, otherwise we would not survive in this society of torment and decisiveness.

And at the same time, God provides us with so many beautiful things here on earth- each other. People make the place. Not to mention the trees, the sound of a flame flickering. You can't imitate the Lord's creation one hundred percent, it's impossible. Like cloning- what the heck dude? We don't need that crapppp!!! I don't wanna see twenty of the same person. Strange...!

Jeremiah has been a favorite of mine lately. The contrast between sorrow and then praise for God is a perfect portrayal of all of us and our emotions conflicting with faith.

"But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior; so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail." (Jeremiah 20:11)
"Sing to the Lord! Give praise to the Lord! He rescues the life of the needy from the hands of the wicked." (Jeremiah 20:13)

"'Am I Only a God nearby,' declares the Lord, 'and not a God far away? Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?' declares the Lord. 'Do I not fill Heaven and earth?'" (Jeremiah 23:23-24)

"In my distress I called to the Lord; I call out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to His ears." (2 Samuel 22:7)

God of our life,
our heaven,
our sky,
continue to set us free from the captivity of depression,
of unhealthy obsession.

You proved me wrong so long ago
When I tried to doubt Your existence
while my heart was overwrought
with pain tingling and screeching

You silence all the chaos,
calm the violent winds,
and seem to find me again,
during times I think I'm falling,
into the abyss of loneliness.
Thank You!

This is how much free time I have in Spanish Class by the way! HAHA


Ktea said...

jennhallllll you're so deep and spiritual, ahahaha.

and i WISH i came up with that slogan and made that shirt but unfortunately i did neither :( sadface!

Ktea said...

yeah, it really is. if i knew how to play guitar, i'd play it for you!