It's time that I try to find myself. By myself.

And not have anyone else define for me.

Or any drug.

Any substance.

Any genre of music, any hobby.

I've been sitting in a red chair for a couple of days, healing from my surgery, and it's given me more than enough time to journal and sketch my thoughts out.

And I've decided to leave them in those notebooks.

For now.

That privacy between God and I, is great.

And even though I'm calming down in an obedient sense, as in not focusing on BEING the Christ follower, maybe all God wants me to do is to learn how to love myself.

Because for a long, long...long time I haven't done that. I haven't faced myself.

Now is perfect timing. My best friend is away. School isn't going on. I'm not dependent on anyone except for God. It's fustrating to learn that you have deeper problems than you thought. And you start to break yourself down. But these are skeletons that have no heart, just bones that give my soul an outter frame, and they can whither away, or they can stay and enhance my strength.

And all the rest, I'll keep in me. Between God and I.