It's been about a month or two since I've started trying to reform my relationship with Christ. There's this hard shell around my spirit that has yet to crack. I'm afraid of being completely vulnerable because new, thicker walls have been built by my concious. These walls can only be broken by Christ alone, and I have to let them be torn down eventually. I've been praying for that day to come, so I can wake up everyday with that love and comfort that He's granted me; so I can be encouraged to say NO with the wisdom to know the difference, to say YES and be AVAILABLE when He needs me to be His hands and feet. There's no longer this question of whether or not God exists in my life; because He is in the air I inhale and exhale, He puts my soul to rest even when I don't realize it. Now, I want to realize it and feel more thankful for that knoweledge.
People will always let you down. It's in our nature and that's perfectly fine. Because we have a beautiful King in Heaven that is perfectly planning our lives, that planned our lives forever ago and wants to see us prosper spiritually in His image.
GOD is great. No matter what lifestyle, choices, feelings, etc.....GOD is great.
GOD is great!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Virginia Beach HORROR
Not meaning to hate. But there's something that makes me cringe when I walk to class and see someone wearing the dreaded Virginia Beach tie dye hoodie.
All of us have witnessed one of our doomed loved ones, or maybe our acquaintances, sport this confused/innocent/blotched/downright unfortunate cotton sweatshirt. The colors, meshed all together, with yellow closely resembling the shade of rotten butter; is trifling. We must raise awareness of this sight hazard.
DAVE!
I have an amazing mother, an amazing mother who called me yesterday saying, "Hey, so you want two Dave Matthews tickets?" while I was at Cattura's with Kelsey. Since the place is pretty quiet and chill, I was trying to encumber all the bold control of my voice and keep it low. So, it's official. This July, I'm going to see Mr. Dave along with my hero, Carter Beauford!!! Yes. The lawn experience shall be a life changing one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skOY7nKH144
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skOY7nKH144
Thursday, February 25, 2010
List of...
There are only a few months left of high school. It's hard to believe that the people I spend almost everyday with won't be where I am next year. At VCU! I'm so excited to start college in the fall!!!! To start fresh and learn more about myself...
Last night I went to small group with my sister in the first time in a while. I'm glad I went. We talked about insecurities. It made me realize how negative I am, how happy i could be if i focused more on the good than the bad.
So, what I am thankful for today:
- Noechel being in a good mood for AP and journalism
- Molly excessively wagging her tail when she sees me come out of my car.
- Having dinner with my mom and sister at El Cerro
- Talking to Mrs. Burley afterschool
- Getting a 7 on an ICE
- Going to God for love when I felt the opposite
- The Sun!!!
- Mr. Lewis' smile
- The fireplace that is keeping me warm
And although there is a deep pain present in me, I can still laugh and rejoice in God's name.
Last night I went to small group with my sister in the first time in a while. I'm glad I went. We talked about insecurities. It made me realize how negative I am, how happy i could be if i focused more on the good than the bad.
So, what I am thankful for today:
- Noechel being in a good mood for AP and journalism
- Molly excessively wagging her tail when she sees me come out of my car.
- Having dinner with my mom and sister at El Cerro
- Talking to Mrs. Burley afterschool
- Getting a 7 on an ICE
- Going to God for love when I felt the opposite
- The Sun!!!
- Mr. Lewis' smile
- The fireplace that is keeping me warm
And although there is a deep pain present in me, I can still laugh and rejoice in God's name.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I think I met You
In the wind of the dancing grass
I think I knew You
As the water cleansed the past
Something is swelling
Inside the dryest root
Your love is the first
Your love is the last
Your hands hold eternity
All of it is a vision
breaking through stained glass
Break the walls
the exterior of my sorrow
Sew me back together
Just as you knitted my heart to be
Love
Love
Love
How I need You
In the wind of the dancing grass
I think I knew You
As the water cleansed the past
Something is swelling
Inside the dryest root
Your love is the first
Your love is the last
Your hands hold eternity
All of it is a vision
breaking through stained glass
Break the walls
the exterior of my sorrow
Sew me back together
Just as you knitted my heart to be
Love
Love
Love
How I need You
Some Jank to Get Off My Chest
Rainy days get me down. No matter the mood or what's going on, the grey atmosphere and cold wetness is depressing.
I'm waiting for it to be warm, so that my fingers don't feel numb. It feels awesome to go outside and not have to wear a jacket or run to the car because of how cold it is. I love the summer. I love the spring. I love seeing new life sprout from the earth and feeling a sort of freedom being comfortable in the sun.
Now it's up to question whether or not I can go on World Changers this summer. I know that God will make it happen if it's what He wants.
The third nine weeks of school feel pointless. Instead I'd rather get a job to start paying for my tuition and fees, for World Changers, for the Dave Matthews concert, for the 311 show, for...fun stuff. I'll be working so much this summer, that I'm not sure how much "fun" I'll be having. I guess this is the part where I gotta grow up. It'll make good money. I'll be getting off at two or three every afternoon. I'll be in Richmond rather than at a possibly even more boring job in Powhatan.
Today I was thinking, wow, I don't think I'm going to cry when I graduate. I just don't. It seems like the majority of the kids who are really enjoying "being" a senior are the ones who have had the highest high of their life in high school. Well, that's not too many people to count, and I'm certainly not in this category.
Some classes are a foil to my optimism. "Well oh well, since you guys don't give a crap about the rest of your senior year, I'll see you at a bar, homeless"- my physics teacher has quoted to us TWICE this week. Or, let's take for example, another teacher of mine who has random mood swings and decides which days to be mean and others to not. I'm so lucky to have him for three hours straight every other day! Especially when you are the target of ridicule! I can't get enough of it!
The other part that really annoys me would be how some teachers assume I'm either stupid or a trouble maker. Sometimes I literally will act retarded in order to piss them off, because their either over enthusiasm or franticness bugs me. CUT LOOSE!
I remember in tenth grade I was so offended because my english teacher accused me of cheating on an in class essay, saying that I "copied other online sources and essays". Well, darn, lady...I know I'm not kissing your butt every class like some other individuals, sorry I'm not what you expected- smart.
Because I came out a long time ago, I've learned to deal with homophobia. But since becoming a Christ follower, it has been difficult, especially in an area where that discrimination or disapproval is accepted. I know that my brothers and sisters love me very dearly, just as I love them. But, come on. Don't regard to people who are homosexual as more sinful people than others, don't regard to people who are gay or lesbian as someone who doesn't deserve Christ's love. Being gay or lesbian is just one part of someones life. Folks are just folks. We are all united in the blood of Christ and that's where we shall attempt to keep our hearts.
One of my dear brothers, who I've known since junior high and became a close musician of throughout high school, stood up for me last summer at World Changers. While we were in drumline together he always debated with me the subject of God and homosexuality. As time passed and our relationship grew in an odd way (but a good way), he became closer to Christ, and all this time I hadn't. He thought about whether he believed homosexuality is a sin or not. Although I'm not quite sure of what his final view is, I know that he still loved me.
In the van during World Changers, he asked if I could talk to him. He had told me that in the showers that some guys were making fun of gay people, and that he went up to these guys and told them to stop. This made them furious, starting a whole debate. My friend insisted that there was no exact quote in the bible that referred to God hating gays. They cornered him, including a grown man, getting angrier. He was fearless, however, and challenged them with a question, "well what if I'm gay?" (he is not), this made them angrier.
Atleast the good that can come out of anger like this is the fact that I'm sure this made the guys think about the subject more. Hoepfully HOPEFULLY in a more in depth and thoughtful way rather than ignorant.
I want to help those in my life who are homosexual to feel that they are loved by Christ just as much as any other straight person. Or, any person.
We must remember, that no matter what, Jesus wants us to LOVE and that His blood shed for every single man and woman.
I'm waiting for it to be warm, so that my fingers don't feel numb. It feels awesome to go outside and not have to wear a jacket or run to the car because of how cold it is. I love the summer. I love the spring. I love seeing new life sprout from the earth and feeling a sort of freedom being comfortable in the sun.
Now it's up to question whether or not I can go on World Changers this summer. I know that God will make it happen if it's what He wants.
The third nine weeks of school feel pointless. Instead I'd rather get a job to start paying for my tuition and fees, for World Changers, for the Dave Matthews concert, for the 311 show, for...fun stuff. I'll be working so much this summer, that I'm not sure how much "fun" I'll be having. I guess this is the part where I gotta grow up. It'll make good money. I'll be getting off at two or three every afternoon. I'll be in Richmond rather than at a possibly even more boring job in Powhatan.
Today I was thinking, wow, I don't think I'm going to cry when I graduate. I just don't. It seems like the majority of the kids who are really enjoying "being" a senior are the ones who have had the highest high of their life in high school. Well, that's not too many people to count, and I'm certainly not in this category.
Some classes are a foil to my optimism. "Well oh well, since you guys don't give a crap about the rest of your senior year, I'll see you at a bar, homeless"- my physics teacher has quoted to us TWICE this week. Or, let's take for example, another teacher of mine who has random mood swings and decides which days to be mean and others to not. I'm so lucky to have him for three hours straight every other day! Especially when you are the target of ridicule! I can't get enough of it!
The other part that really annoys me would be how some teachers assume I'm either stupid or a trouble maker. Sometimes I literally will act retarded in order to piss them off, because their either over enthusiasm or franticness bugs me. CUT LOOSE!
I remember in tenth grade I was so offended because my english teacher accused me of cheating on an in class essay, saying that I "copied other online sources and essays". Well, darn, lady...I know I'm not kissing your butt every class like some other individuals, sorry I'm not what you expected- smart.
Because I came out a long time ago, I've learned to deal with homophobia. But since becoming a Christ follower, it has been difficult, especially in an area where that discrimination or disapproval is accepted. I know that my brothers and sisters love me very dearly, just as I love them. But, come on. Don't regard to people who are homosexual as more sinful people than others, don't regard to people who are gay or lesbian as someone who doesn't deserve Christ's love. Being gay or lesbian is just one part of someones life. Folks are just folks. We are all united in the blood of Christ and that's where we shall attempt to keep our hearts.
One of my dear brothers, who I've known since junior high and became a close musician of throughout high school, stood up for me last summer at World Changers. While we were in drumline together he always debated with me the subject of God and homosexuality. As time passed and our relationship grew in an odd way (but a good way), he became closer to Christ, and all this time I hadn't. He thought about whether he believed homosexuality is a sin or not. Although I'm not quite sure of what his final view is, I know that he still loved me.
In the van during World Changers, he asked if I could talk to him. He had told me that in the showers that some guys were making fun of gay people, and that he went up to these guys and told them to stop. This made them furious, starting a whole debate. My friend insisted that there was no exact quote in the bible that referred to God hating gays. They cornered him, including a grown man, getting angrier. He was fearless, however, and challenged them with a question, "well what if I'm gay?" (he is not), this made them angrier.
Atleast the good that can come out of anger like this is the fact that I'm sure this made the guys think about the subject more. Hoepfully HOPEFULLY in a more in depth and thoughtful way rather than ignorant.
I want to help those in my life who are homosexual to feel that they are loved by Christ just as much as any other straight person. Or, any person.
We must remember, that no matter what, Jesus wants us to LOVE and that His blood shed for every single man and woman.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Songs of Joy
Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with Him.
(Psalm 126:5-6)
will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with Him.
(Psalm 126:5-6)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
