Strange, but Great

Ok, so what if this movie is a little creepy and off the wall? Coraline is an amazing film! My friend Ash and I saw it last night at the beautiful and ghetto Carmike theatre. No, I'm being serious, I love that theatre for its run down look compared to the often visited Commonwealth 20! Hey, not to mention its cheaper!

What was really really supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was that we saw Coraline in 3-d! Trippy! The opening credits of the movie is an odd scene of a metal claw making a doll of Coraline. Right then and there we thought, "Oh gosh...what did we just pay for?". But then it got even more strange- Scottish dogs cheering on two old ladies singing, a retired circus man doing flips off a banister, and not to mention a door that leads to the world Coraline wishes for. What does she wish for? Her parents to be perfect. Turns out these "other parents" on the other side of the door are EVIL and DEMENTED! Gotta be careful what you wish for!

Then when this gorgeous film came to an end everyone in there said "WOW THAT WAS AWESOME!", including myself and Ash. Yes, it was the kookiest film I've possibly ever seen, but its depth in animation and creativity blew me away! If you're a fan of Nightmare Before Christmas, I highly recommend Coraline. Did I mention the cool 3-d glasses?

When we went there were people waiting outside the door who had just seen the earlier showing. I thought, "sheesh...is it that great?", but it is! So it's official, I'm in love with this movie. Next up- Slumdog Millionaire!!!

Summer

Already I miss the summer air,
its embrace around my perspiring freedom.
Enough of this bitter sting, Current Breeze!
Calling on the elevated clouds to smile with white instead of gray,
my calendar tells me that winter is here to stay.

Already I'm losing memory of that sensation,
of being lifted by a thousand hands,
while hearing the anarcho punks yell into their sweat induced microphones.
Speakers blaring out any noise in my mind,
grass stains drawn onto my t-shirt as I land in green life's patch.

Already I am excited,
about the sound of crickets chirping tremendously,
the organized chaos of night.
Moon, above, is crooning peaceful booming tune,
forcing eyes to stare at its creative complexion.

Already I await trees' prime,
when children climb, and see the massive world from smaller eyes.
Trees being comforted more because shade they provide,
and keeps our skin cool in scorching light.

Already I miss summer,
the memories and dreams produced,
the people left in its realm,
the tan tone and red ground.

Already, my heart jumps about for summer.
Be gone, chilly weather.

Stressed

As days pass it's becoming quite a challenge,
to face the fact I don't have the power to know how my body and mind will react to life.

Or what new things I have to take and try,
the old things I'm told to stop.

Attempting hour after hour,
to not be pessimistic.

God's been minimally testing me,
and in multiple ways I feel completely honored that He sees me strong enough to face these trials.

I'm becoming independent of material things (which I was never really into in the first place),
and starting to be dependant on His love.

We must be thankful, no matter the level of stress in our lives.
And I must say I feel decently stressed, whether or not it's under my control.
I'll come out of this, whatever this is, and be new

For right now,
I'm thankful that He's given me silence

and separation from things around me that I've relied on lately.

So I can hear what He has to say.

And silence is not being quiet.
Silence is a pausing moment when you learn the truth behind the freeze frames.

"What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?" (1 Corinthians 4:7)

"We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ." (1 Corinthians 4:10)

I can't afford to sit here and ignore God or try to cover up my belief, because He is getting me through. It upsets me when I find myself slipping and doubting His power, when Christ is the mightiest and highest over anything, anyone, myself, my wants, my needs, the earth, the universe.

And then God's been speaking to me through this:

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." (1 Corinthians 4:20)

God is most visible through action.

I can no longer talk more than walk, I must do the opposite. How do I feel I should act? With more generosity, respect, kindness, concern, and belief. All at once not putting myself above anyone else, but promoting my confidence in the faith of God, keeping my self confidence from overflowing.

Lord is above all, and He is asking me to not doubt Him to others or to myself.

Whenever I do find myself not feeling His power, I think of the sun.

Have you ever realized the intensity of the sun?

Well....God created it.

That humongous, bursting bulb of energy.

And without the sun, there'd be no biological life!

So think about it...
If God could make that with His hands,
then He can fix anything in our lives with not even a thumbnail!

A blunt, simple, (perhaps cheesey?) poem I wrote

Take my pain,
free my brain

it's lost tonight
but I know I'm found in Your sight

Calm my shaking arms,
grip my descending soul,
God I'm giving up my cross,
You have all control.

and when my eyelids shine with those tears filled with fears,
Your holiness cures my loneliness

even if there's no clean water in my heart's desires,
Your wall of defense halts these running addictions
from an affliction's fire

You give me everlasting peace,
because you know I'm tired.

God I might not deserve to be granted such a beautiful gift,
but You so loved the earth its in Christ's blood I live,
I might feel done but the Holy One allows love to run in me.

So You take my pain,
my hurt,
my hate.

Jesus, You free my brain,
from the chains of earthly remorse.

I'm found in Your sight,
eternal light.

Lord You sacrificed,
so I am healed forevermore.

Valentine's Day eve

Valentine's Day- either you hate it or you love it. I've always been inbetween. For the past two or three years my valentines have been gay guys, and let me tell you- buying gifts for them is hard! They aren't afraid to tell you when you've failed to please them. Last year I wrote a poem in spanish for my friend Matt. :) How I miss him!



However, this year, my best friend was my valentine! I told her that she's the best valentine I've ever had! Why? Her gift to me. It has a shrouded mystery, a hidden code, a metaphor.

What could this mean- "Give your potato peeler a time out."? Does this say, "give the things that cause you stress a time out, seperate yourself from them?", "it's 2 a.m., the early morning and beginning of something new, so give yourself a breather in self development and be proud of what you've already carved and chipped your soul into"?

Sarah is creative hahaha and also my best friend, a sister in Christ. I'm so thankful that God has brought her into my life!! We have decided to aid each other in finding scripture, sharing the awesome word of God. I've noticed that it makes me even more passionate! Thankyou, Lord.

So to those of you who are reading- what do YOU think "Give your potato peeler a time out" means?

Bible verse of the day:

"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." (Romans 10:16)

Shannon also gave me a really sweet valentines card!! I LOVE HER SOOOOO MUCH!!!

I'm about to go see Friday the 13th!! Wooh! hope everyone has a great valentine's day!

Silence the Chaos

Silence...tediousness...then eruption!

That's my anxiety. I've noticed more and more everyday that there seems to be a pattern to my stress.


And a result of my stress? Insecurity.

The evil in this world is strong,

it's widespread like a disease and callouses our hearts,

we wither away into a claustrophobic mass of filth and disgust

.Self loathe.

Why do we try to control ourselves and our own lives,

when there are so many signs infront of us

calmly, then URGENTLY translating God's plans?

Fear.

Lack of trust.

All of us at some point are a victim of these sharp edges of discomfort brought forth by evil. Though the "word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit."

And evil makes us feel guilt for our sins!

But it's the beauty of Jesus' sacrifice that destroys a torturous guilt.

I imagine Christ in heaven, standing there with invincibility

Saying to the devil, "I am the people's witness, the people's leader who I've taught their world with love, and love for the God that can defeat any challenge you put upon them."

The anxiety I undergo everyday has swings. I'm thankful I can still laugh. My psychiatrist has questioned by ability to. But I can, I'm still a happy and free being beneath the surface of my "disorder". For those close to me, I'm sorry you have to see me down often, but I know you guys realize that the anxiety does not define my personality.

And so today I went home today due to an experimentation in amount of medicine to take. It was too much to say the least.

Under that influence I felt taunted by horrible gut feelings, my body was shaking because of angst and anger that I can't really help myself with this. I fell asleep immediately once my head hit the pillow, and instead of reciting some grand desperate prayer, I called in my heart, "Jesus". Really, I was trying to please God by letting Him know I was holding on when I felt thrown onto thorns.

You see, God found me in the thorn patches, and His righteous hand saved me from letting the worries of life blind me from Him. I shudder when I imagine where I'd be now if I didn't have God. There is anticipation of reaching a higher level of faith in Him, so that I can face any negative force.

I'm not oblivious that there are two forces in the world: hate and love. But love overrules forever.

So the Lord, in Heaven, is using His light to burn the pain inside my soul. He's holding my days' misery and optimism to sculpt my spirit into one that exists in ethereal yet real security in His eyes and kingdom.

"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood...but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full of armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with our feel fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." (Ephesians 6:10-16)

This is probably the heaviest post I've written, for myself atleast. I hope it doesn't appear I'm trying to preach. I'm expressing myself, and I respect anyone's opinion towards that.

For those who are in need of assurance that God is there for You, I pray His grace scatters upon your spiritual wounds and seals them up with strength.

Mutemath's song Chaos displays that feeling of being lost, but seeking God.

"I know you stay true when my world is false

everything around’s breaking down to chaos

I always see you when my sight is lost

everything around’s breaking down to chaos"

Jesus hears our cries louder than the ears sitting next to us, than our own selves. Lord, take control of the atmosphere.

Revelation

This might offend some people, but I do not mean to in anyway. From reading my previous posts I hope people understand that I take scripture seriously and love it. But there's something I must say.

Revelation is trippy. If you've ever dug into it, you know what I mean.

JAM (my awesome small group) has been studying this book for a few weeks now. Tonight was great because we were very open to possibilities regarding whether or not certain images or events are metaphors. Seriously, being an english addict I am captivated by the mystery of Revelation. The certainty within the uncertainty. What it all comes down to, past all confusing messages and questions, is that as Christians we are overjoyed knowing that one day His name will be praised by everyone and every part of the world. Jesus saves! Noticed I said saves not just SAVED.

"You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
purchased men for God
from every trible and language
and people and nation.
You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve
our God,
and they will reign on the earth." (Revelation 5:9-10)

I want to make it clear that I do not mean to offend anyone's religious beliefs, and that I just wanted to express mine. And by sharing this verse I'm thankful that God sacrificed His son for ALL PEOPLE! Even the people who don't even know His name, or lack faith. Those that sin without remorse, and those that are determined to remain devoted. He is there for all humanity. It's awesome that He would do this for us. We are loved!!!