So far, school has been cancelled for two days this week. I am thankful, because it has allowed me to rest. Also, last Friday was the end of the semester, so I don't have any schoolwork to fret about (maybe reading Brave New World...yet I've already read it twice in my life).
The time away from school and in this house makes me think.
What's next?
Ever since Sunday's service, I've felt rejuvenated with the love of the Lord. Sunday was also the first day I cracked open my Bible and really read, really thought, and really understood the Word in a long time. I'm thankful that He has blessed me with time to pray and pray. Usually during school is when I want to pray the most. But it's a constant motion of thinking and writing and walking and speaking and either failing or passing that is a distraction. God wants us to put the business of our lives aside in order to have time for Him. It surprises me how differently society has changed. Back in ancient times people had to find ways to survive every single day. Do we do that? And instead of asking for things, they THANKED the Lord (which also reminds me of the scene of Utopia in Candide). In my prayers I've been learning the joy THANKING gives more than asking.
Still waiting to hear back from VCU. It shall be nice to hear whether or not I'm accepted, to have that secure feeling of what school I'll be attending next year. But my heart has definitely decided on VCU, so hopefully the reply from them will correspond with these feelings.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
BLESSED LIFE
I feel BLESSED.
Because I have VICTORY through Christ.
Today my heart is dancing.
Today my heart is fufilled with His love.
Today brings no worries, for Christ has given me FAITH.
Today, I am blessedly speechless, so I can listen to the power of His GLORY,
which is pounding my dancing, fufilled, heart!
Because I have VICTORY through Christ.
Today my heart is dancing.
Today my heart is fufilled with His love.
Today brings no worries, for Christ has given me FAITH.
Today, I am blessedly speechless, so I can listen to the power of His GLORY,
which is pounding my dancing, fufilled, heart!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
"Crack Not Included"
A strange dream passed through my mind last night during slumber.
My friend, Kasey, told me to come to her house. I tried to get there, but it turned out this secret gang had taken over Schroeder Road in Powhatan and there was even a guard competition happening there at the same time. STRANGE.
So anyways, I get there, and time is warped. It seems that SOME houses are there, and others aren't. I could only get to one portion of the road, while the other half was nonexistent.
Katie Rusch was there (it turns out I was supposed to be a freshman in high school during this dream), and Carra Sykes was also there. I confronted them, panicky, saying, "DUDE! WE NEED TO FIX THIS!".
Immediately we broke through the time warp window, and realized everything was sculpted out of blackened cocaine. Because of certain footprints, I assumed that other people from PCC had tried to solve the warp. Carra jumped over some cocaine blocks to cross this green river, while Katie and I were like "DUDE WE DON'T WANT OUR FEET TO GET HIGH!"
And that's when we all said at once, "In this journey, CRACK IS NOT INCLUDED!".
We never reached Kasey, but atleast it was a crack-free trip. Because, well, crack is whack.
My friend, Kasey, told me to come to her house. I tried to get there, but it turned out this secret gang had taken over Schroeder Road in Powhatan and there was even a guard competition happening there at the same time. STRANGE.
So anyways, I get there, and time is warped. It seems that SOME houses are there, and others aren't. I could only get to one portion of the road, while the other half was nonexistent.
Katie Rusch was there (it turns out I was supposed to be a freshman in high school during this dream), and Carra Sykes was also there. I confronted them, panicky, saying, "DUDE! WE NEED TO FIX THIS!".
Immediately we broke through the time warp window, and realized everything was sculpted out of blackened cocaine. Because of certain footprints, I assumed that other people from PCC had tried to solve the warp. Carra jumped over some cocaine blocks to cross this green river, while Katie and I were like "DUDE WE DON'T WANT OUR FEET TO GET HIGH!"
And that's when we all said at once, "In this journey, CRACK IS NOT INCLUDED!".
We never reached Kasey, but atleast it was a crack-free trip. Because, well, crack is whack.
Friday, January 29, 2010
He who sewed my spirit
He who sewed my spirit,
painted forth the perfect Love,
is jealous for us.
Jesus,
the One who is Grace,
I pray that you lead me to Your path,
and heal the cuts from the thorns.
I can't stop writing about You,
Christ who died for me,
The blood you shed was turned into eternal life,
We're given the gift to be FREE.
Yet someone else put me together,
the devil with his clever greed,
from below he attempts to snatch my feet.
but YOU always pave over his snarling sin
and hold me,
Your humbled child, so tightly
with feathered wings.
painted forth the perfect Love,
is jealous for us.
Jesus,
the One who is Grace,
I pray that you lead me to Your path,
and heal the cuts from the thorns.
I can't stop writing about You,
Christ who died for me,
The blood you shed was turned into eternal life,
We're given the gift to be FREE.
Yet someone else put me together,
the devil with his clever greed,
from below he attempts to snatch my feet.
but YOU always pave over his snarling sin
and hold me,
Your humbled child, so tightly
with feathered wings.
Pride and Wisdom
Pride has overtaken my ability to freely admit the pains gripping my heart.
I become angry when I think about certain people who might use me as an example of someone who hid from Christ. Yes, I am weak to the LORD, but I cannot stand being weak to others, unless I love them.
Sometimes I only want the issue to be between God and I, but I know that humility is a process of healing and reconstruction. It's the hardest part, perhaps, for me to take the weight of my pride and use my spirit's concious arms to push and push and push the fears of feeling powerless away. I know that I am only useful in God's vision, not my own or other's.
It has appeared to me that the time gap between devotion and this reborn devotion was filled with insecurity. With that insecurity I caused myself a personal masquerade. Who did I want to be seen as? Who did I want to see me? However, not all of what I wanted was based on my actual interests or heart. This is a problem, this insecurity I barely realized is all the sudden unmasked and bare before my thoughts.
Jesus, who I miss feeling the significant presence of so deeply, wants me to give up MYSELF, carry MY cross and come to HIS holy wisdom.
Matthew 18:3-4
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
I become angry when I think about certain people who might use me as an example of someone who hid from Christ. Yes, I am weak to the LORD, but I cannot stand being weak to others, unless I love them.
Sometimes I only want the issue to be between God and I, but I know that humility is a process of healing and reconstruction. It's the hardest part, perhaps, for me to take the weight of my pride and use my spirit's concious arms to push and push and push the fears of feeling powerless away. I know that I am only useful in God's vision, not my own or other's.
It has appeared to me that the time gap between devotion and this reborn devotion was filled with insecurity. With that insecurity I caused myself a personal masquerade. Who did I want to be seen as? Who did I want to see me? However, not all of what I wanted was based on my actual interests or heart. This is a problem, this insecurity I barely realized is all the sudden unmasked and bare before my thoughts.
Jesus, who I miss feeling the significant presence of so deeply, wants me to give up MYSELF, carry MY cross and come to HIS holy wisdom.
Matthew 18:3-4
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
The Need
I need to listen to God rather than myself.
I need to follow God rather than my desires.
I need to let God catch me rather than run away.
I need to let Jesus love me, rather than finding someone or something else to fill the void.
I need to LOVE rather than hate.
I need to FORGIVE rather than hold a grudge.
I need to be the heart Christ formed inside me, rather than the being outside me.
I need to love,
love,
and love.
I need to follow God rather than my desires.
I need to let God catch me rather than run away.
I need to let Jesus love me, rather than finding someone or something else to fill the void.
I need to LOVE rather than hate.
I need to FORGIVE rather than hold a grudge.
I need to be the heart Christ formed inside me, rather than the being outside me.
I need to love,
love,
and love.
He picks me up
This week has been rough. No lie. Infact, it seems it was a drag for most people I know.
But the week is over, and the snow shall fall this weekend.
With struggles or challenges, we can face them with GOD. I'm still trying to really practice what I preach.
"When I was oh so tired,
You come along to wake me,
Time and time again and again,
With a smile You save me
Rain, rain, rain down on me,
Again and again,
Rain down on me.
Look,
we play our cards,
And I question by the grace of what,
We play our cards at all.
Come fill me up,
oh, fill me LOVE when Im empty.
When Im all dried up
Rain, rain, rain down on me,
Again and again,
Rain down on me."
- Dave Matthews Band
But the week is over, and the snow shall fall this weekend.
With struggles or challenges, we can face them with GOD. I'm still trying to really practice what I preach.
"When I was oh so tired,
You come along to wake me,
Time and time again and again,
With a smile You save me
Rain, rain, rain down on me,
Again and again,
Rain down on me.
Look,
we play our cards,
And I question by the grace of what,
We play our cards at all.
Come fill me up,
oh, fill me LOVE when Im empty.
When Im all dried up
Rain, rain, rain down on me,
Again and again,
Rain down on me."
- Dave Matthews Band
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